Being Bullied

Bullying is said to be the number-one non-academic issue that educators face. As a parent, I have not had to deal with this topic, and I hope I won’t ever have to, but in my younger years I was a victim of bullying twice in my life and both were related to my allergy. Bullying happens in many forms; Verbal, Phyical, Social (leaving someone out of a game or group on purpose), Extortion (stealing someone's money or toys), or Cyberbullying. It can happen at daycare, camp, school, work or just about anywhere. This is definitely a topic that can draw different opinions, and one that can create tension amongst parents especially when the bully and the victim’s parents are friends. In my opinion there are many different parenting styles, and usually several ways to handle the same situation effectively. Ultimately, the victim’s safety needs to be he priority.

I am writing about this topic for two reasons. First, to share my experience and second, to raise awareness that bullying does happen.

Both my experiences happened at sleep away camp (two separate summers). The first incident was when a bunk-mate threatened to put peanut butter in my mouth while I was asleep, and the second was when another bunk-mate told me she was going to eat peanut-butter M&M’s on my bed. If either of these situations happened today, I have no doubt they would have been handled differently than they were in the 1992 and 1994 respectively. To this day, I maintain that the girl who threatened to put PB in my mouth while I was asleep should have been sent home. She was forced to apologize, but that was about it. As the victim, I was frightened enough to bring it to the attention of the head staff who at the time failed by not sending her home.

Parents don’t know what goes on in the school yard or at the lunch table. Parents of kids with food allergies need to consider that their child’s food allergy may be something others poke fun or use against them. I believe it is a good idea for parents to always have an open dialogue with their kids and ask them daily how things are at school. Obviously if there are issues with bullying, it would be wise to address it with the school asap.

So good luck with the back to school week, and have a safe year!

:)

J.

Definition of a Peanut Free/Nut Free Home?

As you all know by now, I don’t eat at other people’s homes unless they are 100% peanut/nut free. We were invited to someone’s home for dinner where the hostess actually had a peanut allergy. One would assume that if you go to someone’s house where there is someone with a peanut allergy, that their home would be peanut free. Wrong!!

Before eating, I asked if everything was nut free to which she responded ‘of course’. While the evening was really nice and the food was entirely peanut/nut free, I later found out that they keep peanut butter in the home for the peanut butter loving husband. My husband gave up peanuts cold turkey, so this could lead into a whole other discussion but it won’t!!

As soon as I heard that they keep peanut butter in the home, my heart skipped a beat. I don’t know why, We were finished dinner and I was totally fine. It’s not like the peanut butter was going to jump out of the pantry onto the plate, but I have been consumed by the whole idea of how people define peanut/nut free? To me it’s easy, a kitchen completely free of all peanuts, nuts and any product that states may contain traces of peanuts or nuts. With a jar of PB in the pantry this ultimately impacts the level of control one has in a peanut/nut free home. I could not stop thinking about when he eats it? Where does he keep it? Does he use a plate? Does he eat it near his wife? What if she touches the plate after? We all make our own decisions, and we know our respective comfort zones. The allergic hostess has been living with a peanut loving husband for a few years and she’s just fine.

The big question is I am posing is what defines a peanut/nut free home in your opinion. This sounds like a simple question, but there are many answers.

:)

J.

Travel

For me travelling is not as simple as deciding on a place to go, booking a flight, packing my bags and heading off. It is a research project that can takes weeks, if not months.

My allergy has prevented me from experiencing many once in a lifetime opportunities. While I like to try and see the positive aspects of being allergic to peanuts, I also resent it at times. I was not able to join 90% of my grade on an Israel trip in grade nine, I also didn’t go on a free trip to Israel offered through the community to young adults when I was 21, I was the one who never went on an all inclusive with my girlfriends in College, I couldn’t go backpacking through Europe with my friends in University, I even had to rearrange my honeymoon.

My allergy has certainly put up road blocks with respect to travel, but it has also taught me how to handle disappointment and to face reality. The fun in planning a trip becomes slightly more stressful for me, and more of a challenge. Everything from the airline, restaurants, and even hotel choice come into question. The airline must be peanut free, the restaurant must be peanut free, and the hotel must be close to a hospital.

I have come to terms with the fact that I will likely never travel to any part of Asia, and that I will probably never go on an all inclusive. I am certainly not a jet setter, but I have been to many places in Europe, Canada, the US and South Pacific and I will continue to travel in the future.

Have these situations changed who I am as a person…I think so. I have experienced enough disappointment related to my allergy that I am now able to accept it for what it is. My attitude as a teenager was completely different then from what it is now as an adult and a mother. As a teenager, I tried to convince my mother to let me go on these trips and she never budged. She literally threw out the mail that arrived for the free Israel trip so I wouldn’t see it and want to go. Now that I am a mother, I will probably do the same if I had to. At the time, I was so caught up with the fact that I wasn’t able to go on these trips that I lost sight of the safety issues involved. Now, I accept the fact that the allergy can hold me back from travelling the world. Of course everyone handle’s their respective allergies differently, and while some people may not agree with my decisions, I respect the decisions other people make around travel. I realize that I have a responsibility to myself, my husband and the boy to do my absolute best to be as careful as possible so I don’t have a reaction.

:)

J.

The pro's of a peanut allergy

If you grew up eating PB and J every day then it would likely be hard to live my life. Even though it takes some getting used to, life with an allergy is not so terrible.

Considering this is my reality and I don’t know any different, I decided to come up with the following list of the pro’s of having a peanut allergy.

Pro’s
1. Saves money on eating lunch out
2. Not eating desserts at restaurants keeps me slim
3. I don’t feel guilty when I do eat a peanut free cupcake (or 2)
4. An excuse to not kiss people at social events
5. I always have an excuse to not impulse buy the pastries at coffee shops
6. I get to choose the restaurant when I go out with friends
7. A good excuse to leave a classroom
8. Peanut free mars bars

Cons
1. Way too many to list!

Please comment if you think I missed something!

:)

J.

The Allergic Mom-Redefined

I recently posted about the boy not having any allergies, however I was slightly premature in publicizing that statement. Two days before his actual birthday he was eating honeydew for the first time and immediately after he developed hives all over his legs. I gave him Benadryl (I highly recommend every parent keeps a bottle for situations like this). Aside from the hives he appeared to be fine, but I trusted my instincts and threw him in the car and off we went to the hospital. They took him in immediately, found that his breathing was compromised, so they hooked him up to wires and gave him meds and we stayed for a few hours until we got the all clear to go home. It could be the honeydew, but it could also be the strawberries he ate during dinner (even though it was his 6th day on strawberries). We will be seeing an allergist soon and hopefully we will figure out exactly what happened and whether this is in fact an allergy. I am just hoping that it was an isolated incident, and that I won’t have to start a new blog titled “The Allergic Boy”!

Since then, we have officially become a honeydew, strawberry and peanut free home. The ER doctor prescribed an Epipen which we carry everywhere we go and we were told to avoid strawberries and honeydew. I spoke with the daycare teacher at length about this, and she seemed to understand the situation (no sharing food, spoons, epipen use etc..).

For obvious reasons, I was not ready to post about this sooner. For so many parents this is their reality, and having to let their child go off to daycare, school, camp, activities, playdates etc, is frightening. It’s one thing to be in this peanut allergy friendly society, but for the kids and adults allergic to eggs, fish, fruits and so on, there are no egg free, fish free or fruit free establishments. Probably because I am so vigilant about my own allergy, avoiding honeydew and strawberries has taken on a whole life of it’s own. While I do think it’s easier to avoid fruits than peanuts, I think it is easier to avoid peanuts than eggs. I am wondering if you were told that you had an allergy, if given a choice, what you would choose to be allergic to? Please share.

:)

J.

Peanuts vs.Tree Nuts

Being back to reality isn't so bad after all. The boy is doing just fine without me, and our day off together yesterday was fantastic. I am looking forward to another fun day with him tomorrow. My office mate seems really nice. Luckily for me, she doesn't like peanut butter but ... she does like almonds and asked if it would be o.k if she snacked on them in the office when I am not there (don't start hating her yet for asking this question!).

This beings me to the ultimate Peanuts vs. Tree Nuts dilemma. I am allergic to peanuts only, but I stay away from tree nuts in the same way I do with peanuts. I know this doesn't make sense to many people but to me this is what I am comfortable with. So when she asked me if she can snack on almonds when I am not there I initially didn't know what to say. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I said yes. If someone asked me not to eat Watermelon near them because they were allergic to Honeydew I would probably wonder if they are for real! Since I do go about my life as though I am allergic to tree nuts even though I'm not, I almost feel like I should have told her no for the almonds, but I just couldn't justify a reason.

I'm addressing this topic because I am curious what non allergic readers would you do if their office mate had an allergy to their favorite food (ex. office mate allergic to fish and your favorite lunch meal is sushi take out?).

:)

J.

Back to work

So, my mat leave is officially over. I am heading back to work tomorrow. FYI I am a Social Worker. I keep telling myself that since I am going back part time it will be fine. If I got a dollar for everyone who asks me (in a sympathetic tone), "how are you feeling about going back" I'd be rich!
Now that I have to be at my desk in less than 12 hours, I am starting to freak out. Not in a bad way, I am not worried about the boy at all. He will be well taken care of. I am worried about things other people don't have to worry about. While I was making lunch for tomorrow (because there is no safe place around my office to grab a sandwich from), I was thinking about how my allergy really impacts every aspect of my life. I packed some lysol wipes in my bag because I am going to have to clean my desk, computer and phone, since god knows what the person before me has eaten and touched. I made mental note to buy a new Epipen to leave in my secretary's office as a back up in case I have a reaction at work and people don't know where I keep my purse. I will have to explain my allergy to my office mate who I have never met before (I am hoping PB sandwiches are not her staple lunch food). I will have to remind my teammates of my allergy, AND I will have to actually work for the first time about a year and a half! I'll let you know how it goes!
:)
J